I had and left a desk job. I lost and rediscovered my artistic calling. I modeled for a big company campaign. I started and paused doing Burlesque. I started studying acting again. I started doing background work again. I'm doing things that scare me, like Improv. I've worked on a few small projects.
I also got married to the love of my life under a total solar eclipse.
No biggie.
But where does that leave me now?
This year was a wake up call to DO THE THING. SAY YES.
I still struggle with this, but every time I say no, there is someone there to call me on my bullshit, which is hard to take. Really. I put up a fight each time to defend my excuses. Sometimes it takes me days to see how crappy I was being. It's rough.
I started off my year with an intro workshop at The Groundlings School in Los Angeles. Not gonna lie - it was scary. It's been a struggle for me since I was a teenager to do Improv. Being someone that likes to get things the first time, it was frustrating and insanity to have things go "wrong" all the time. I threw myself into the deep end with this and told myself to just do it. I did alright and learned about myself. Certainly, I would not say I'm an amazing improv actor, but I've gotten SO MUCH BETTER.
For so much of my adult life, it's been like starving when it comes to theatre, acting and creative things. I'm nourishing myself again, but it takes practice for it to feel like home again. And the process is challenging, but it's not anything I'm not up for!
I also got myself registered as a background actor at Central Casting, Jeff Olan Casting and Sande Alessi Casting. It's been slow, but each time has been awesome.
I did the second episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend years ago now, and my friends saw me on TV, sending me pictures of their screens. It felt so silly to feel good about something so small. But it did feel good.
I was also a face for the clothing line from Torrid, plus size fashion. In 2015, they had a campaign called #MyStoryMyTorrid and I was really fortunate enough to be picked. It was a really thrilling adventure. I had not really done any modeling up to this point, but know I would do it again in a heartbeat.
This picture was HUGE and hung in windows all over the county. CRAZY.
It was at this time that I was exploring myself as a Burlesque performer. It's an amazing high and wonderful to be the creator of your own work that people want to see. I've not done too much of it the last year or so, and I think it has a lot to do with my self-confidence.
The Halloween show two years ago at Monday Night Tease!
Jumping ahead to this year... so far, I've done background work on Brooklyn 99 and the Lethal Weapon series, performed in a spoken word piece that I still haven't seen and is going through the festival circuit, and went to as many intro and free classes as I could to find looking for an acting studio that could take me from terrified of auditioning on camera to having fun again.
I also finished recording a book I started last year. The Halloween Tree went up right before Halloween this year, and just yesterday I was informed that I did not pronounce Samhain correctly... All my time on this earth, and I didn't know how to say this. WELL, it will just have to live that way in my humility forever.
I constantly have to tell myself - what have I got to lose? I am learning ALL THE TIME. It's exhausting and exhilarating.
In September I started taking and have really loved classes from Robin Dale Meyers at the Margie Habor Studio in West Hollywood. The improvements are leaps and bounds. My confidence has been finding it's way back to my heart.
The first class when I saw my filmed face... I wanted to run out screaming. Who the fuck would want to watch that fat face not be interesting or listening?
Well, I'm working on the fatness, but the interesting and listening? Getting so much better. Visibly so. I'm no Meryl Streep, but I could actually be cast in something now and it would be alright!
Anyway. Thanks for reading this far. Keep an eye on my twitter and instagram for updates on what I'm working on :)
Love,
Zen
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